Little Likening #2: Dyad and Doorways

In the last "Little Likening" I spoke of the Monad and the symbolism of the number one that I'd been reading about in a book called, A Beginner's Guide to Constructing the Universe, assigned as part of a study series I participate in that is aided by monthly introductory and discussion audios. This quote is a nice transition from that post to this,

"So many of us are kept from eventual consecration because we mistakenly think that, somehow, by letting our will be swallowed up in the will of God, we lose our individuality (see Mosiah 15:7). What we are really worried about, of course, is not giving up self, but selfish things—like our roles, our time, our preeminence, and our possessions. No wonder we are instructed by the Savior to lose ourselves (see Luke 9:24). He is only asking us to lose the old self in order to find the new self. It is not a question of one’s losing identity but of finding his true identity! Ironically, so many people already lose themselves anyway in their consuming hobbies and preoccupations but with far, far lesser things." 

~ Neal A. Maxwell, Oct 1995 General Conference

Vesica Piscis

For the Monad and the number 1, the geometric shape was a circle with a point centered in it. For the Dyad and number 2, it is the Vesica Piscis. I'm a little hesitant to write about the number two symbolism after a quick Goole search for images to use revealed that there are a lot of interesting theories and history related to these geometric shapes arranged as they are and what it symbolizes is not the same for everyone. As a side-note, the most fascinating curiosity was finding this picture of the Washington Monument:

Do you see it?

But for this post, let's pretend you are me - you've just seen this drawing of two circles for the first time and have no previous ideas attached to it. 

Reading this part first struck a chord with me:

Like a pebble tossed into a pond, a circle can only reproduce more circles in its own likeness. The ancient mathematical philosophers saw this in the metaphor of arithmetic. They noticed that no matter how many times unity is multiplied by itself, the result is the same: one (1 x 1 x 1 x … x 1 x 1 = 1). So how does unity, oneness, step beyond itself and become the many? How can the Monad generate the other principles, other shapes, other numbers? How does the "same" produce an "other" How does the primeval "I generate its "Thou"? 

~ A Beginners Guide, pg.22

Because of where my mind has been for a while, I immediately compared this thought to the account of the Garden of Eden. I also thought of so many in this world that want to achieve sameness, thinking that is the only kind of equality possible. We ignore the unique traits of both genders or we seek to be like the opposite gender. I quote again, "It is not a question of one’s losing identity but of finding his true identity!" 

But getting back to the book this little likening is centered in, we are introduced in the chapter on the symbolism of the number two to the vesica piscis. Two circles arranged as shown above. You can also draw a line between the two center points of the circles (or all kinds of shapes for that matter).

                          

These intersecting circles, linked across their centers to form a line, make an ancient and obvious symbol of twoness. The overlapping space between them is the vesica piscis…The straight lines we will draw in our constructions represent the tension and motion between the poles of every creating process…The principle of "twoness," or "otherness," was called the Dyad by the Greek philosophers of the five centuries before Christ…The paradox of the Dyad is that while it appears to separate from unity, its opposite poles remember their source and attract each other in an attempt to merge and return to that state of unity…we know we are under the sway of the Dyad when we are attracted or repelled by anything…Exactly two people of opposite gender, no more or less, can produce a child. When cool, dry air penetrates warm, wet air, rain precipitates. Woven cloth manifests itself at the intersection of warp and woof. Two poles of a battery, positive and negative, are needed to complete an electric circuit. Two fixed ends of a guitar string allow us to pluck it, creating vibration, sound, and music. One chopstick is motionless, the other moves, and together they can pick up food. There isn't anything composed of matter (or antimatter) that avoids polarity. Even the geometric compass operates by the interplay of two legs, one motionless and the other moving, the poles of center and circumference. The Dyad is the basis of every creative process…Human nature mirrors outer nature. All personal relationships have at their essence the archetypal tension between opposites…taking responsibility, or assigning blame, strength and tenderness; they are integral to political opposition parties, diplomacy, business partnerships and business rivalries…If there is something you don't like, you can assume that its opposite exists, which you will like. 

~ A Beginners Guide, pgs.23-26

The oldest story of the Garden of Eden addresses these ideas. As these passages remind us, there is need for "opposition in all things" (2 Nephi 2:11). Without opposition, nothing is created. Here I couldn't help but think of the part in the account recorded in the Pearl of Great Price, Moses 4:26 where "Adam called his wife's name Eve, because she was the mother of all living; for thus have I, the Lord God, called the first of all women, which are many." Interestingly, I have learned that the ancient Sumerian words for one and two are also those for man and woman. 

Today, we consider one and two as merely number quantities, not realizing they are symbols of basic facts of existence. Surprisingly, ancient mathematical philosophers did not consider one and two to be numbers themselves since their representations - point and line - are not actual. A point has no dimension and a line just one dimension. Nobody can hold a true point or line in his hand. Likewise, no one or two points, lines, or angles will create any actual form by themselves. But an ongoing interplay beginning with a point and line is all that's required to construct the world's geometric patterns. Thus the Monad and Dyad were considered by the ancients to be not numbers but the parents of numbers. Their mating, the fusion of the principles of one and two, point and line, unity and difference gives birth to all subsequent archetypal principles revealed as numbers, symbolized by numerals, and seen as shapes in nature. The Dyad, then is the doorway between the One and the Many.  

~ A Beginners Guide, pg.30-31 

Once again, in my mind echoes the phrase, "mother of all living." As many have noted (this AWESOME speech among them) this was said of Eve BEFORE she bore any children. Reading about the Dyad has helped me understand a deeper layer to why that is and what it means to be a woman. James E. Faust spoke of Eve this way,

We all owe a great debt of gratitude to Eve. In the Garden of Eden, she and Adam were instructed not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. However, they were also reminded, “Thou mayest choose for thyself.” The choice was really between a continuation of their comfortable existence in Eden, where they would never progress, or a momentous exit into mortality with its opposites: pain, trials,and physical death in contrast to joy, growth, and the potential for eternal life. In contemplating this choice, we are told, “And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, … and a tree to be desired to make her wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and also gave unto her husband with her, and he did eat.” And thus began their earthly probation and parenthood. After the choice was made, Adam voiced this grateful expression: “Blessed be the name of God, for because of my transgression my eyes are opened, and in this life I shall have joy, and again in the flesh I shall see God.”  

Eve made an even greater statement of visionary wisdom after leaving the Garden of Eden: “Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient.” If it hadn’t been for Eve, none of us would be here. 

~LDS General Conference, October 1999

I find it fascinating to contemplate those accounts of the Garden of Eden which show Lucifer/the serpent/Satan spending much more effort in getting Eve to partake of the fruit than Adam. I think he knew she was the one whose role it was to be that doorway. Adam had other roles. I realize now that is one more wise reason (to add to the many I've discovered) that Eve is portrayed as being created second. Number two is important in symbolizing her role. I also find it fascinating that all of nature, geometric shapes and numerical expressions in the language of math all support and witness of the wisdom in that choice Eve made to open the door - or maybe more accurately to be a doorway through which opposition and "twoness" could enter. Theirs would have been a life of stagnation if Adam and Eve remained in the Garden, just as 1 x 1 x 1 x 1… will always =1.  

"Opposites appear when separateness begins." (pg. 36) Once again, we could not progress until we experienced a separation from God and were allowed to increase in our knowledge of opposites. But in that opposition and "twoness" we are meant to learn a new kind of unity that allows for endless progression. 

[Two] is the only case where the addition of a number to itself yields the same result as it does multiplying by itself. Two plus two  equals two times two. Two represents a balancing point between unity and all subsequent numbers, between one and the many.…Symbolically, "two" acts as an intermediary, a transition, a door or portal between the Monad and all the rest of the numbers. [Christ is our advocate with the Father comes to mind here] Twoness is the hole or lens through which unity becomes and balances with the Many. This is the geometric lesson of the two linked circles, symbol of the Dyad. The almond-shaped zone of interpenetration between the circles has attracted the attention of geometers, artists, architects, and mythmakers through history. This is the vesica piscis, in Christian cultures a reference to Christ as the "fish" in the Age of Pisces. It's called a mandorla ("almond") in India. It was known in the early civilizations of Mesopotamia, Africa, Asia, and elsewhere. 

~A Beginners Guide, pg.31

In looking at this geometric shape of the two circles united, I know I'm not the first one to have seen how beautifully the center space represents Eve and Christ. If Eve was a doorway to a world of opposition where we could progress and grow to become more like God, then Christ is the doorway back. He is the way, the truth and the life; our advocate or way back to unity with God. It is so beautiful how God has imbedded these truths into everything around us! 

One more reason why I love this interpretation of Christ in Gethsemane with a female angel comforting him. It sure feels most fitting for Eve to have been the one to provide comfort at such a time with this perspective. 


Do our children realize the symbolism math and geometry were dominantly used to express and discover? No. They just memorize rules, or fail at memorizing them. At least that's all I've been doing to my own children. Wow. Ouch. 

…perhaps instead of teaching science to youngsters in separate pigeonholes of biology, chemistry, physics, [math] and so on, science courses could investigate the principles that run through each of them, such as wholeness, polarity, balance, pattern, and harmony. ~ A Beginners Guide, pg. 28

Little Likening #1: The Monad

I've decided life is just in a higher gear with older children, teaching, our business, and projects etc. so I'm not going to wait for it to calm down before I write! Hence, here is the first of what I'll call "Little Likenings." 

My mornings are devoted to projects, writing and scripture study, but I'm reading three books right now and a few ebooks and they all rotate taking turns coming with me to the gym to be read during those 2 minutes of slower exercise between the 30 second sprints my health coach has assigned. Each day when I ask: okay, who wants to come with me today? One will nudge to the surface of the pile. 

Lately, A Beginner's Guide to Constructing the Universe has called to me the most. I'm reading it along with two friends for a MIC series we participate in. It's filling up with wavy lines and notes scribbled while in motion. I have to try hard to remember I'm not alone at home for I burst out often with astonishment, surprise, or excitement at what this book is showing me and how its connecting to what I've been learning in my spiritual journey of the past years. 

First, some excerpts that I find fascinating and then the connections I'm starting to see. From the Introduction:

... the simple counting numbers from one to ten and the shapes that represent them, such as a circle, line, triangle, and square express a consistent, comprehensible language. The ten numbers are a complete archetypal sourcebook. They are the original ten patents for designs found all through the universe...Anything anyone can point to in nature is composed of small patterns and is a part of larger ones...Reading the Book of Nature first requires familiarity with its alphabet of geometric glyphs...open secret[s], fully in view but usually unnoticed...studying number properties and intellectually knowing the road map, the symbolism, is not the same as actually taking the journey. We take that journey by finding within ourselves the universal principles these properties represent and by applying the knowledge to our own growth. (Pages xx-xxiii)

 Thereafter, each chapter focuses on a single number from 1 to 10. This "Little Likening" will focus on the first chapter:

Wholly One

Called, the "Monad…ancient philosophers conceived that the Monad breathes in the void and creates all subsequent numbers (111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321). [That is the coolest equation by the way, don't miss its symbolism!] Numbers only express different qualities of the Monad. The ancients didn't consider unity to be a 'number' but rather a parent of numbers…Nothing exists without a center around which it revolves, whether the nucleus of an atom, the heart of our body, hearth of the home, capital of a nation, sun in the solar system, or black hole at the core of a galaxy. When the center does not hold, the entire affair collapses. An idea or conversation is considered "pointless" not because it leads nowhere but because it has no center holding it together…dancers and gymnasts gracefully work with the Body's center of gravity to balance during motion…everyone has a psychological center of gravity, the thoughts, emotions, or desires with which we identify and from which we view the world at any given moment…our deeper self, the power that motivates the actions, emotions, thoughts and desires…the universal creating process begins with an expansion from a divine center, like the very first Biblical command, 'Let there be Light.' In Hindu mythology, the dimensionless Brahma speaks aloud the word aham, 'I Am,' a word made of the first, middle, and final letters of the Sanskrit alphabet, which represents the circle's three parts; the center, the radius, and the circumference, and our own spiritual center, psychological reaches, and outer material form." (Pages 2-10)

As I read these excerpts there are ideas in my head that gel together. First, I loved the idea of the number one symbolizing "the parent of numbers." (Wow, I can't wait to share the spiritual symbolism and aha's about the number two!! That will have to be the next "little likening"). 

Often, in that pursuit of a relationship with my creator, because I believe God to be an actual glorified being with a body, I've pictured him as far away from me. When I prayed or meditated, I focused outwardly, as if reaching for him (like I expressed here in this poem). Through various parts of my journey the last few years as I've yearned to strengthen my connection to and unity with my Heavenly Parents, I keep coming to this feeling that Paul meant something more when he spoke of us being of the "body of Christ." In my faith, we speak of the Light of Christ as being the power of Christ, 

"He that ascended up on high, as also he descended below all things, in that he comprehended all things, that he might be in all and through all things, the light of truth; which truth shineth. This is the light of Christ. As also he is in the sun, and the light of the sun, and the power thereof by which it was made… And the light which shineth, which giveth you light, is through him who enlighteneth your eyes, which is the same light that quickeneth your understandings; Which light proceedeth forth from the presence of God to fill the immensity of space—The light which is in all things, which giveth life to all things, which is the law by which all things are governed, even the power of God who sitteth upon his throne, who is in the bosom of eternity, who is in the midst of all things." (D&C 88:6-7, 11-13)

 Therefore, we don't believe that God is in us (since we believe him to have a body), but we believe that the power of God is in all things and through all things so in that way, his power and influence is a part of us. We also believe the seeds of Godhood are within us just as everything in nature has the seeds to become what it's parent is. But because we are in a fallen world (wow, more on that with the symbolism of the number two!!) we believe we are fallen from this unity with God, but that Christ is our advocate - he is helping us regain that unity (and the symbolism of the number two shown in this book sure shows a purpose for that fall and for Christ to my mind - okay, yeah, I'm totally inspired by the number two now). 

The Light of Christ is the power behind all that Christ does. Importantly: "He…ascended up on high, as also he descended below all things…that he might be in all and through all things, the light of truth; which truth shineth. This is the light of Christ." In other words, Christ's atonement (descending below all things) is a large part of what qualified him to have this power. That's how I understand it, at least. 

So that's one piece - the Light of Christ being in all and through all things. As a side reference, an ebook I read a while ago related a woman's near death experience after getting blown up in Iraq and living to tell of it. In the following passage, It almost sounds like she's quoting the scripture reference I've just used to explain what those in my faith call the Light of Christ (what she calls, the All That Is), does it not?:

 In fact, my understanding of the various dimensions—or vibrations or worlds or focus levels… is that they are aspects of one encompassing reality. The one reality includes all beingness or consciousness. It is the endlessly unknowable infinity of creativity and an apparent paradox of infinite numbers of unique individuals that are simultaneously one. This encompassing connection is within and of, and creates, is created by, and moves through each unique being, and is part of all while also existing separately from what I’ll call “All That Is." This All That Is can be perceived simultaneously as a force and as an individual consciousness that exists within each consciousness and yet is separate from each consciousness or being. It’s what might be referred to as God, but the ideas of gods that we have [those Religions she has been exposed to, but most of what she describes is what I believe in my faith] are a pale and incomplete shadow of the All That Is that I perceive. Projecting an idea of a god or gods upon that infinite creative consciousness inevitably limits an understanding of the All That Is in ways that reflect the severely limited comprehension that we have of ourselves and the physical universe. (Application of Impossible Things by Natalie Sudman)

The other piece is the Monad and that idea of the number one expressing unity with the parent of the many (all numbers, or all souls?).  Right here, I REALLY want to go into the number two's significance, but to keep this a "little likening," my last thought that I ponder and will share is this:

We speak of "centering ourselves" or searching for "inner peace." I've never liked those phrases because it felt like it excluded that most essential part of the Savior's role I depend on and slowly feel I am being recreated by. For some, when they speak of centering in their self, it even excludes God - they become a God unto their self. 

But maybe it's the third alternative (as it almost always seems to be).  Maybe when praying or meditating, it is not meant to be a reaching outward or upward so much as a centering in that Light of Christ that connects us to everything in unity. That's the plug or outlet that connects us to the Real. And what I see in the symbolism of this Monad is not about losing our individuality into some blending of sameness (1 x any number = that number, not 1).  But of being more centered in our true self that is an essential and unique part in the tapestry of the whole just as every part of the body, or of nature is essential and unique. Just as there are infinite points along the circumference of a circle. 

"God makes himself known to the world; He fills up the whole circle of the universe, but makes his particular abode in the center, which is the soul of the just." Lucian (c. 240-312). 

Maybe the whole debate for thousands of years over whether Christ had a body or not wasn't an A (he does) or B (he doesn't) answer. The answer, I believe, is C. Through the Light of Christ, this quote that speaks of God making his particular abode in the center is true. But also, the principle of the unique individual and unity of the parts with the whole is true. God is an individual being also - the One, the parent of the many; one point centered among infinite points along the circumference of its circle (universe?). 

The Monad; Wholly One. 

Who says there's no use for math?!?!

Meet the Mormons

I'm always in motion these days and my most frequent thought is, "when will I ever get a chance to write!" Even waking up early it's hard to squeeze it in with so many other priorities and projects right now. But I had to quickly say:

Last night, my family and I went to Meet the Mormons. Wow.

I was blown away by this movie. So tender. So touching. The way these stories are woven together and the beauty of each of their souls that comes through just makes you love being alive - the challenge of life, the daily creation process, the beauty in loving and being loved, in helping others and being healed, the pain that can be turned into immense joy. The diversity of each life. It was inspiring. Just go no matter what you believe. You'll come away nourished.

Plus, all net proceeds go to the Red Cross.

Read more about it here. And get a free mp3 of the song, Glorious by David Archuleta here.

This Is a Woman's Church

I don't often post just to share a link to something, but this deserves to be shared widely. I recommend watching the video so you can feel and see the energy, passion, and power of this speaker, but there is a transcription found at the link as well. The standing ovation at the end is telling. That's a first for this venue.

The speech is by Sharon Eubank given at a recent FAIR conference. Her background includes working as a legislative aide in the U.S. Senate for 4 years, owning a retail education store for 7 years, and since 1998 helping establish 17 international LDS employment offices in Africa and Europe. She also has directed the humanitarian wheelchair program that has 50,000 donations each year, and in 2008 she became regional director of the LDS Charities for the Middle East Africa North area and is currently the director of LDS Charities, the humanitarian organization of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 

I was trying to think of a segment of her speech that  I'd share here that's my favorite, but there are too many. Maybe I'll just share this beginning portion to give you an idea of the tone and subjects she covers. (btw, the link at the end of this portion I share also leads you to a transcription that includes the Q&A at the end of her speech that you won't want to miss):

"... last night when I was getting ready, I thought, “Why did I even say ‘yes’ to this assignment?” I’m not a scholar, I’m not a FAIR contributor, I’m not a church spokesperson. There’s very little to recommend [me] and I’m not going to say anything very startling here today that you’re going to think, “Wow, that was new!” So I started to think, “Why did I say yes?” But the reason I said yes when they called was I want to go on record from my own experience. And my own experience has been incredibly empowering. The doctrine and the practice of the church, for me as a woman, has given me things that I care more deeply about than anything else in my life. So, I want to go on record...Because it will be my personal experience, but that’s the best testimonial that I have, and I feel passionately about it because it’s my own.
There has been some recent press that sort of alleged that the LDS church is sort of oppressive, or that it is stodgily conservative, or that it somehow might be a “toxic” environment for women to participate in. And I just think about that, with maybe a couple of colorful exceptions, my experience in the church as a woman has been incredibly empowering. Of course everything I’m going to talk about is my own experience. There are two sections of this talk. The first part I want to talk about is the doctrine and why the doctrine about women is important. And in the second piece I want to talk about practice and how we actually put our doctrine into practice, and some of the things that we might be able to do that could improve the way that we live up to our doctrine.
... At the end I’m going to try and answer this question (it may have been a poor title for this talk): Is this a woman’s church? But I’m going to tell you a story about that and then I’ll try and answer that question afterward.
The scope and the field that is open to me as a woman as revealed in LDS doctrine is more empowering than I can wrap my brain around. There is nothing else like it in any other faith tradition. There is nothing that I know about, that talks about our identity, and purpose and infinite artistry that’s available to us in this unique way.
I’m going to start out by talking about the doctrine of intelligences. This is, I think, unique to Mormonism. It talks about that we existed as intelligences and that it can’t be created and it can’t be made. We’ve always existed in this way. But, we chose to ally ourselves with God. We had personality and we had volition, and we chose to ally ourselves with a Heavenly Father and a Heavenly Mother who could put us on the road to exaltation..."

I HIGHLY recommend finding the audio or reading the rest of the transcription as found AT THIS LINK.  Enjoy!!

Walls

A mending wall went up and a friend of mine said to me recently, 

"God is at the helm."

Good fences make good neighbors. I guess it may be true at times, but I've never been fond of such "mending walls." 

Something there is that doesn't love a wall, 

That wants it down.' I could say 'Elves' to him, 

But it's not elves exactly, and I'd rather 

He said it for himself.

"God is at the helm."

It echoes in my ears.

The echo follows me this morning and I feel a nudge to open my old Dragonfly leather journal that Adam made for me years ago.  The evidence of God's guidance washes over me with a sweet peace.  

On one side of the journal's pages, I had recorded quotes from books, speeches and scriptures that influenced my life and resonated with me during the years I filled these pages. 

Every time I return to this journal, it feels like reading a manual of how God works in the life of his children. I feel not only the value of the quotes, but the wisdom behind the divine guidance. This is always confirmed by the memories, written between the lines, that come off the page. 

Flipping my journal around,  the other side of the pages is a record of "likenings" of scripture passages and experiences applying true principles to my life and their consequences. I never finished this side of the journal. It was more convenient to write most of those thoughts on a computer. Maybe someday I'll copy them in. Today, I reread those few that were written originally on the Dragonfly pages. When I get to the little poem, Beyond Walls I wrote last year, I am astonished. Here I was, a year ago, writing about a wall! Then again last month, I write about a wall. Now again, new layers of the wall reveal their self.

 Fascinating... how we think we understand the meaning of words - our own or others - only to find with new life experiences those words have deepened and changed. And what is it with me and walls? I must want them all down. Impatient: me. 

I'm reminded of the phrase, "mysteries of God." There are many scriptures that speak of the mysteries of God. I've heard many people describe how they are those things revealed by the Spirit. I've listened recently to speeches on the Gnostics and their take on those mysteries. 

I always thought those "mysteries" would be new ideas, new principles of how God works, or the works God has done that are hidden. That may still be true. But now it's more simple and more accessible: the mysteries of the kingdom are the deeper levels of understanding of the same simple words and principles we have heard maybe all our lives. Mysteries are hidden layers of something that's always been before us. Words like:

Faith

Unbelief

Veil

Grace

Light

Present Moment

Presence

Fullness

Eye of Faith

In this mortal world, we try to use these words and others to describe the indescribable. Those words become the visible or audible layer of a million-layered  communication. When we read or hear just the words, we miss the deeper meanings, implications, applications, emotions, power... the million other layers merely represented by the words chosen. 

 I'm beginning to understand now: The only way we'll begin to know the "mystery" of those missing layers is through learning and becoming familiar with that invisible language buried in our soul: the language of the Spirit of God. It is the only language that can convey those layers. There is no translation that's accurate and full. No short-cut. It's a language learned by obedience and faith more than study. Immersion, not memorization enhances our fluency. Music helps me learn that language, I find. 

But I'm slow. Sometimes a word takes years just to begin to understand. Like those walls.

I read a few days ago, "[It] is called “unbelief” in the scriptures. It is not necessarily an absence of faith, and can coexist with faith quite companionably. But, it is nevertheless an effective, and often long-lived, damnation of our faith."

Unbelief and faith can coexist. That is a deeper layer of my wall. Something isn't right with the last paragraph of this poem now... reaching is no longer the right action. It's now more like... what? I keep erasing what I type.  It is too much a mystery to describe with words. I'm left to ponder what I wrote last year, linking words to deeper layers...

BEYOND WALLS

 

Pull me outside my little self, Lord.
Grasp my reaching hands in thine,
Stretched out still.

Walls close in.
Only when minds do.
I know this.

The world is bigger then
Scientific methods and laboratories.
The sphere that envelopes the
One my natural eyes see -
It is that sphere that inspired
The methods,
The math,
The mechanics

Of this little sphere.

The crumb that falls to the ground

An ant may discover and be nourished by,
But it is only a portion, not

All there is.
Only all there is in his world.

Scarcity or abundance?
Seek no more for crumbs, but
For Sources.
No more for applications, but
For Truths.

If the walls of my little box are
Solid and shut - Open them!
This is the Present moment.
And the present thing to do:
Find that Presence within.
Again.
Every Present Moment.

But I am weak.
I can make but a crack;
A sliver of an opening in the
Wall of my natural world.
And when that crack
 Shrinks and closes! Oh! How the
 Darkness chills me.
It is by my own hand.
Pitiful woman.

Reach!
Stretch. . . pry,
Knock!
Yearn. . .

I see His hand stretched outward
As I peer through the sliver in the wall
Made by these actions of thought.

Smile,
Call a sister,
Listen,
Laugh,
Read,
Learn.

The sliver grows and swells,
Rays from the Son warm my brow.
Such Abiding Light is
Not sourced from my little sphere -
It is beyond my walls.
Reach!

Love,
Write,
Comfort,
Nourish,
Give...

Light is imparted. There is a
Window in my wall,
Enlightening; filling my soul with joy.
I can see the real again.
More or less than true is chased away.
I can breath. I am covered:
In love. In light.

If only I could burst these walls!
Turn this reaching into an embrace,
Into Fullness. Union with the Source.

But for now:
Enlightening Joy-
Leading actions that are good,
Illuminating paths to walk humbly,
Guiding ways to judge righteously.

Keep it Kate.
It is yours to choose,
There are not two ways!
There is One Way in
One Present Moment.

Or there is darkness.
Dwarves sitting in a circle of sarcasm -
Manna like manure to their lips.
The darkness is in their eyes,
Not in the world of beauty and light that
Surrounds them,
Covers them.

The Lion chooses no power over
A man's agency.
His power is Love.
He
Is love,
The greatest power.
The Force stronger then gravity,
That chooses not to force.

Dwarves don't choose the Real.
Don’t know Real Love.
It is beyond their walls and they
Will not reach.

Imagined Kings and Queens,
Choose,

Know,
Reach.

I choose.

I reach.

I will know The Real, and
The Real in me will
Recognize the false,

Circling in opposition.

One Day, walls will not
Keep me from that Embrace.
One day, by one day -
I knock and pry at these walls.
In this Present Moment,

I Reach.

NEW! Arbor Music Program

It's official!  Beginning August 4th I will be implementing the Arbor Music Program in my piano studio. In this post HERE I spoke of the nudge to teach students on an easy come-whenever-you-want, pay-as-you-go policy. The experience was incredibly eye-opening and changed my perspective as a teacher forever.

Near the end of this last Spring, I had a light-bulb moment. An idea blossomed as I sat down to my computer and wrote and planned out what I'd often wondered how to do: how to design a studio to give that same agency and freedom to my students they were now experiencing so they owned their music journey, but also offer more structure, accountability and intensity for advancing students who wanted and needed it. I also wanted to design better options for adult beginners.

The Arbor Music Program is the result of pondering that question (for years now) and finally sitting down to do the work to plan it out.  I guess it helped that I felt ready to increase the hours I mentor each week, too. :-)

CLICK HERE to read a quick summary of how it works. And, if you live in the Salt Lake Valley, (or are willing to drive there for lessons), I've solidified my current students needs and have openings for a few more. Follow the links on the Piano Mentoring page to contact me.

Words That Move Me - Gift from the Sea - Part 2

   

(Click Here for Part 1)

Glimpse of an Image

In that moment of prayer I felt love flow into me. In hindsight, I see it was a pivotal moment in understanding my relationship, as a woman, to the divine.  It certainly wasn't the first prayer, though. I'd spent over two years pondering, writing, and discussing with husband, parent, and mentors. I had prayerfully read through just about every book in my scriptural cannon - many times taking a week to write, ponder, and apply each scripture that felt like it called to me. I listened whenever I drove to a talk from modern Prophets and Apostles. Eventually, I picked two apostles and listened to their talks from their first to the most recent. I was given and found articles in an online journal that explored things from angles that were important and new (<------ links to three of those articles).  

Those were all shells I found when "ebb tides [revealed] another life below the level which [I did] usually reach." With the ebb tide in that moment of prayer, though, it wasn't words that helped me, it was an image.

It was an image that I felt, but didn't see. First (and yet all at once) there was an organized and peaceful city, filled with busy men and women, equal, but different, completing each other. The city was surrounded by a forest with mountains, rivers, and lakes that beckoned the men and women to journey "further up and further in." The forest was surrounded by a wall. Beyond the wall stretched an eternal land that never seemed to end.

'All you need... is in you right now. Your job is to take those crude elements within you and refine them.'... In other words, the Lord is saying 'Take the reins. Take charge under the direction of my Spirit. Don't wait for someone to tell you everything to do.' ... You prevail over people, things, and situations by your faith. 

         ~ Gene R. Cook, Living by the Power of Faith (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1991), 89-92

In the city there was work and peace between the women and men who were equal, different, and complete. In the forest, it was an individual journey with mountains and hills to climb. With each summit scaled, you could see over the wall to the land beyond. It was breathtaking, each glimpse of that land. So beautiful it filled you with hope and love. It beckoned you onward. 

I advise all to go on to perfection, and to search deeper and deeper into the mysteries of Godliness... I am going on in my progress for eternal life... Oh! I beseech you to go forward, go forward and make your calling and your election sure. 

     ~Joseph Smith, Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 364, 366.

Then, I inserted myself into the image. I was in the city. I journeyed into the forest. With each hill or mountain I climbed, I felt that pull of the eternal land beyond. The farther I went, though, the more I saw something missing both on the wall and on the other side. Women. Only men climbed the wall and looked out to the land beyond. I knew it was for a reason, but my experience in the city taught me that women were needed to complete men and vice versa. So where were the women? We must have some role or function at the wall or beyond it? Why was it hidden? What was I to learn from that? When I reached the wall, that feeling of despair and abandonment set in. I was too close to the wall to see the land beyond, to feel its warmth, see its beauty, or remember its nearness. I turned back, but now the wall followed me, always in memory before my eyes. It made the city look different, the forest look different. The wall was in my eyes. I couldn't be free of it. 

"For the Lord shall comfort Zion: he will comfort all her waste places" 

      ~ Isaiah 51:3

Strangely, this image was a comfort, even though it seemed to cut off before giving me any resolution. The next morning, I put on my walking shoes. I felt renewed energy, the darkness lifting, and I wanted to be out in nature and walk. My sister, pregnant, but alert for so early in the morning, asked to join me. We set off on what became more of a spiritual journey for me than physical. I told her of the image and of all the thoughts that we'd discussed before, but this time, it was different.  The tide was turning, it was time for the water to begin returning. As we talked, the image and my sister worked as tools of precision, untangling, ironing, smoothing, and nourishing. When we returned to my brother's home, I felt more whole than I had in a long time. The wall didn't come down. I just stopped demanding that it come down. Like my sister said, "So there's a wall. Okay. Now what?" Nothing will be accomplished by remaining in my current course. Climb more mountains, serve and love more in the city. So I did. I finally could. I left the wall. And it left my eyes. 

... and he will make her wilderness like Eden, and her desert like the garden of the Lord    

      ~ Isaiah 51:3

I found that there is this feeling in those dark times before the tide comes in. When all is dark, there is still a way to find the direction to travel and "draw near unto [Christ]." For me, it is a feeling that you can be pulled forward - that there is future progress down that path where the other paths feel they reach an end. Often, the first steps in that direction seem wrong to our mind (in contrast to the peace in our heart). The natural tendency we have is to want to label our actions - and we use the culture we've grown up in to determine those labels. But God has labels we have no knowledge of. He has purposes we can't comprehend and He can see where the path leads. We just have to trust that the feeling of Eternity, of progress, and of hope that beckons us in that direction means we should go in that direction. We should not stand still anymore. 

I've also learned there are many things that can distract us in this life and many things and people we can draw near unto. I've learned I want to choose to draw near unto my Savior.  He's my advocate with the Father in this life. He is the way.  I'm coming to know him - and I don't ever want to stop. He's more than any words I can use. His love is more beautiful and comforting and nourishing than I can explain. So I choose Him. Even when I can't see Him or feel Him. I choose Him. 

I believe now that day with the image and the walk with my sister was only a preparation for the following week when I would experience a great loss. I could not have survived it spiritually, had I been in the place of darkness I was before that breakthrough. In that loss, the Lord found a way to perform one of His greatest moments of healing. 

When the heart is flooded with love, there is no room in it for fear, for doubt, for hesitation. And it is this lack of fear that makes for the dance. When each partner loves so completely that he has forgotten to ask himself whether or not he is loved in return; when he only knows that he loves and is moving to its music - then, and then only, are two people able to dance perfectly in tune to the same rhythm. 

       ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Gift from the Sea, 97-98.

I felt enveloped in love. I felt a knowledge distill upon me that all the efforts to create as a woman, had been recognized, validated, and accepted by the Lord. I felt healed from the results of past mistakes to close the door to that creation. I felt whole - no more holes. He was filling them. 

... joy and gladness shall be found therein, thanksgiving, and the voice of melody.    

         ~ Isaiah 51:3

I have felt it important to share these glimpses of my recent experience. I have felt the need to witness that we have a Father in Heaven. That he loves his children and that we are his children, sons and daughters. I witness that we have a Savior, Jesus Christ, the Son of God.  I witness their power and love is real and that the way to feel of that love and power working in your life is to choose them. To draw near to them. To yield to their tuning and tutoring. And to find gratitude IN the journey.

The rest I have learned with a sure knowledge will be revealed on the ebb tides of life when we are ready. So get ready, or it will never come to you. Don't stand still. Face it. Not with signs and picketing for what we want to find on that sea-bed, but alone on the beach of our souls as individuals with study, prayer, pondering, the making and keeping of covenants, and always taking upon us the yoke of Christ. Then the Source of Light and Truth will reveal to us little by little each "shell" we need as He changes us little by little. 

I know now why it is a yoke - because it is work - this business of "growing into the sort of [eternal being] He wants [us] to be." 

Perhaps this is the most important thing for me to take back from beach-living: simply the memory that each cycle of the tide is valid; each cycle of the wave is valid; each cycle of a relationship is valid. And my shells? I can sweep them all into my pocket. They are only there to remind me that the sea recedes and returns eternally.    

    ~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Gift from the Sea, 102.

Words That Move Me - Gift from the Sea - Part 1

Backward glimpse

Gift from the Sea

I'm young, those who know me might say. I was married at the age of eighteen, had my first child at twenty, my last (is it the last?) at twenty-six. I'm now thirty-two. But last week it happened - a single white hair. I showed my brother, visiting from New York. He examined it and... plucked it out! I mourned the loss. Why did I... it's strange, but that white hair was a treasure to me. It felt symbolic of the progress of recent months; a trophy that I dared to hope was symbolic of earning at least a hair of wisdom after recent life experiences.

    The signs that presage growth, so similar, it seems to me, to those in early adolescence: discontent, restlessness, doubt, despair, longing, are interpreted falsely as signs of decay. In youth one does not as often misinterpret the signs; one accepts them, quite rightly, as growing pains. One takes them seriously, listens to them, follows where they lead. One is afraid. Naturally. Who is not afraid of pure space - that breathtaking empty space of an open door? But despite fear, one goes through to the room beyond.

    But in middle age, because of the false assumption that it is a period of decline, one interprets these life-signs, paradoxically, as signs of approaching death. Instead of facing them, one runs away; one escapes - into depressions, nervous breakdowns... or frantic, thoughtless, fruitless overwork. Anything, rather than face them. Anything, rather than stand still and learn from them. One tries to cure the signs of growth, to exorcise them, as if they were devils, when really they might be angels of annunciation. 

     Angels of annunciation of what? Of a new stage of living when... One might be free for growth of mind, heart and talent; free at last for spiritual growth.

           ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh, "Gift from the Sea," p.79-80

Whether the white hair signaled middle age or not doesn't matter I guess, the "signs that presage growth" are the same old or young, according to Lindbergh's life experience. We can be always growing. I wrote in the margin of this book when I read it at the beginning of the year, something I find a bit ironic now,

 "We progress if we don't ignore those moments when the Tuning Fork sounds and we feel its dissonance with our soul's pitch. If we do not walk away from the quick vibrations, those discomforting, soul-shocking waves, but rather, draw closer to the Tuning Fork, yield and align. That is growth - unity with Truth."

That was mostly theory when I wrote it. Or maybe a nugget of inspiration born from the experience of small dissonant moments I'd known to that point in time. But it wasn't long before I came to a place where the vibrations became truly discomforting, soul-shocking waves. And, I found a certain dance occurred in those vibrations. In and out, I'd join hands with God only to let go and move backward - shocked by sudden pains, tired from the effort to stay in the dance with so much dissonance present. Most of the time, I did not dance well:

"One cannot dance well unless one is completely in time with the music, not leaning back to the last step or pressing forward to the next one, but poised directly on the present step as it comes. Perfect poise on the beat is what gives good dancing its sense of ease, of timelessness, of the eternal."

       ~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh, "Gift from the Sea," p.97

All things that once gave me comfort, direction, peace, inspiration - were taken away. They weren't gone - I just now had a filter I couldn't remove that changed them, morphed them. I kept looking beyond to the eternal and could not see myself there - there was no female to model, no feminine divine to embrace. All comforts seemed of male origin. I no longer saw them as neutral or adaptable to myself. Everywhere I looked, there were holes, emptiness and the feeling of a kind of abandonment.

My dear Wormwood,

   So you 'have great hopes that the patient's religious phase is dying away', have you? I always thought the Training College had gone to pieces since they put old Subgob at the head of it, and now I am sure. Has no one ever told you about the law of Undulation?

   Humans are amphibians-- half spirit and half animal. (The Enemy's determination to produce such a revolting hybrid was one of the things that determined Our Father to withdraw his support from Him.) As spirits they belong to the eternal world, but as animals they inhabit time. This means that while their spirit can be directed to an eternal object, their bodies, passions, and imaginations are in continual change, for as to be in time means to change. Their nearest approach to constancy, therefore, is undulation-- the repeated return to a level from which they repeatedly fall back, a series of troughs and peaks. If you had watched your patient carefully you would have seen this undulation in every department of his life-- his interest in his work, his affection for his friends, his physical appetites, all go up and down. As long as he lives on earth periods of emotional and bodily richness and liveliness will alternate with periods of numbness and poverty. The dryness and dullness through which your patient is now going are not, as you fondly suppose, your workmanship; they are merely a natural phenomenon which will do us no good unless you make a good use of it.

   To decide what the best use of it is, you must ask what use the Enemy wants to make of it, and then do the opposite. Now it may surprise you to learn that in His efforts to get permanent possession of a soul, He relies on the troughs even more than on the peaks; some of His special favorites have gone through longer and deeper troughs than anyone else. The reason is this. To us a human is primarily food; our aim is the absorption of its will into ours, the increase of our own area of selfhood at its expense. But the obedience which the Enemy demands of men is quite a different thing. One must face the fact that all the talk about His love for men, and His service being perfect freedom, is not (as one would gladly believe) mere propaganda, but an appalling truth. He really does want to fill the universe with a lot of loathsome little replicas of Himself-- creatures whose life, on its miniature scale, will be qualitatively like His own, not because he has absorbed them but because their wills freely conform to His. We want cattle who can finally become food; He wants servants who can finally become sons. We want to suck in, He wants to give out. We are empty and would be filled; He is full and flows over. Our war aim is a world in which Our Father Below has drawn all other beings into himself: the Enemy wants a world full of beings united to Him but still distinct.

   And that is where the troughs come in. You must have often wondered why the Enemy does not make more use of His power to be sensibly present to human souls in any degree He chooses and at any moment. But you now see that the Irresistible and the Indisputable are the two weapons which the very nature of His scheme forbids Him to use. Merely to override a human will (as His felt presence in any but the faintest and most mitigated degree would certainly do) would be for Him useless. He cannot ravish. He can only woo. For His ignoble idea is to eat the cake and have it; the creatures are to be one with Him, but yet themselves; merely to cancel them, or assimilate them, will not serve. He is prepared to do a little overriding at the beginning. He will set them off with communications of His presence which, though faint, seem great to them, with emotional sweetness, and easy conquest over temptation. Sooner or later He withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience, all those supports and incentives. He leaves the creature to stand up on its own legs-- to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him best... Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.

                       ~ C.S. Lewis, "The Screwtape Letters," Chapter 8 

This passage I remember today, would have given comfort and direction about a month ago, but it did not come to mind then. Instead, I lay in bed, silent tears running down my cheeks as I felt the now familiar feeling of the ebb-tide of my life, that feeling of being forsaken. I decided, if all things that once provided comfort now only increased those dark feelings and the longing and the pain, then I would let them go for now. I would not let them become a tool of the enemy (don't mistake this for "the Enemy" mentioned by Lewis which is actually God in his flipped story from two evil spirit's perspective :-). 

Instead of the pain of loss I felt when pursuing those old comforts, I would cling to the only thing left. Prayer. And so I prayed. I expressed my gratitude for the many tender mercies, divine signatures and miracles of the past years; the moments I could not deny that I was loved by a divine being, that I was being cared for, guided and watched over. I stopped demanding to understand why there were holes, or when they would be filled, or what my role in filling them was, and just desired to feel His love in that moment. And I would use prayer to get by one moment at a time, until in His time, the tide would flow in again.

    We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity - in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern. The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now... One must accept the security of the winged life, of ebb and flow, of intermittency. 

    Intermittency - an impossible lesson for human beings to learn. How can one learn to live through the ebb-tides of one's existence? How can one learn to take the trough of the wave? It is easier to understand here on the beach, where the breathlessly still ebb tides reveal another life below the level which mortals usually reach."

    ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh p.100-101

There, on that beach of my life, the ebb-tide began to reveal some precious shells I never would have discovered had the water not ebbed out as it did. 

But this is a glimpse, not a complete history. It is a small wave of thought. The next glimpse is perhaps best if it comes with the next wave...

(Click Here for Part 2)

Organic Learning

Wow! It's been a long time since I have shared anything on this blog!  Back in December, I began volunteering as a research assistant for a missiologist/historian. I've spent every free study minute (waking in the wee hours of the morning to have time before my Daysies awake) learning how to do research by actually - doing research! It's been an incredible blessing to have this opportunity.  I've been reading original records and journals and making charts and graphs and spreadsheets like crazy.  I've been witnessing a real process. It's been a profound learning experience in many ways.

But I haven't been writing as much. And I never finished posting all those pictures for the Seven Days of Christmas! Oh well! Guess I'll finish sharing them this coming Fall?

Now that our current research project is winding down (paper is being presented today!) I find I have some writing time again.  Here is something I wrote just now in my journal that I thought I'd share on this blog. I continue to be blessed by the experience of speaking with mothers who are beginning to teach their children at home. As I speak with these mothers, I find I often use the word, "organic." This morning, something organic happened that had me running to my computer to record before it was absorbed into the fabric of my life and the details forgotten....



March 6, 2014,

While I finished my study hours this morning, my girls came in. I heard them whispering around me as I finished my prayer. As I gave them my attention, Elise (12), Lizzy (7) and Norah (5) began excitedly begging for Lizzy to be allowed to have her own khanacademy.org account so she could begin their math program (she has lost interest in her other math books lately and I've wondered what to do). Elise was also anxious that Lizzy help her accumulate thumbs up votes on Elise’s computer programs made on Khan Academy. I consented and they flew off. A few minutes later while I was beginning my kitchen chores, Elise was at the counter watching a beginning math video with Lizzy, answering her questions along the way while Norah sat by and watched. Now Elise is busy coaching and helping Lizzy with the practice questions that go with the video while Norah continues to watch intently.

Three things are happening and none of it needed any outside prompting from me. All of it was spontaneous - organic. And it is the most power-packed, efficient learning I can think of. Why efficient? Because so many things are happening! And no energy by me was needed to get them going!

1.  Elise is learning by teaching her sister and getting a great review on math concepts she needs to strengthen.
2. Lizzy is crazy excited to do math - a positive attitude foundation is being created. 
3.  Relationships are being strengthened through learning. Lizzy feels special that her older sister is giving her attention - they are relating in loving ways. They are strengthening their patience skills.
4.  Norah is observing all this. She is thinking of the time when she is old enough to have such an opportunity. She is viewing math as a positive thing. She is witnessesing the excitement and fun of learning. 
5.  Norah is learning and being exposed to principles of math - they won’t be so unfamiliar when it is directly her turn to try. 
6.  Lizzy is learning math and loving it!

Countless other things are happening that I haven’t listed. For one, I’m re-learning once again how the nudges that happen through inspiration (either the environment we create in our homes, the example we set, or the feelings that flow into our mind and heart) are so much more powerful than the requirements we might place on our children.

I share this hoping for at least one more thing to come from this organic learning experience I've witnessed today: Maybe someone stopping by this blog is a mother. Maybe she's having a down moment. Maybe she doesn't think she can do what she's trying to do. Maybe what I just experienced and shared will give her hope to keep trying - but maybe in new ways.

If so, I bet she got to this blog in an organic way. I bet it was a way that makes her more receptive to learn what she needs to learn and implement what she needs to implement. That's how it happens for me. It is those organic moments that bring the greatest learning in each of our lives. So why do we work so hard to create other man-made, restrictive, manipulative learning environments?

Moms out there. We are the Mother Earths of our families.  We are the ones that dominantly control the environment our seedlings will grow in. I never see a tree pulled out of the ground. I never see a flower bud open by the hands of another.  It must happen naturally, instinctively, and by the agency of the seedling, the flower, the tree.  Love.  Environment. Agency.  I find these are my key words. Like water, soil and sun. The tools of a Mother.