Organic Learning

Wow! It's been a long time since I have shared anything on this blog!  Back in December, I began volunteering as a research assistant for a missiologist/historian. I've spent every free study minute (waking in the wee hours of the morning to have time before my Daysies awake) learning how to do research by actually - doing research! It's been an incredible blessing to have this opportunity.  I've been reading original records and journals and making charts and graphs and spreadsheets like crazy.  I've been witnessing a real process. It's been a profound learning experience in many ways.

But I haven't been writing as much. And I never finished posting all those pictures for the Seven Days of Christmas! Oh well! Guess I'll finish sharing them this coming Fall?

Now that our current research project is winding down (paper is being presented today!) I find I have some writing time again.  Here is something I wrote just now in my journal that I thought I'd share on this blog. I continue to be blessed by the experience of speaking with mothers who are beginning to teach their children at home. As I speak with these mothers, I find I often use the word, "organic." This morning, something organic happened that had me running to my computer to record before it was absorbed into the fabric of my life and the details forgotten....



March 6, 2014,

While I finished my study hours this morning, my girls came in. I heard them whispering around me as I finished my prayer. As I gave them my attention, Elise (12), Lizzy (7) and Norah (5) began excitedly begging for Lizzy to be allowed to have her own khanacademy.org account so she could begin their math program (she has lost interest in her other math books lately and I've wondered what to do). Elise was also anxious that Lizzy help her accumulate thumbs up votes on Elise’s computer programs made on Khan Academy. I consented and they flew off. A few minutes later while I was beginning my kitchen chores, Elise was at the counter watching a beginning math video with Lizzy, answering her questions along the way while Norah sat by and watched. Now Elise is busy coaching and helping Lizzy with the practice questions that go with the video while Norah continues to watch intently.

Three things are happening and none of it needed any outside prompting from me. All of it was spontaneous - organic. And it is the most power-packed, efficient learning I can think of. Why efficient? Because so many things are happening! And no energy by me was needed to get them going!

1.  Elise is learning by teaching her sister and getting a great review on math concepts she needs to strengthen.
2. Lizzy is crazy excited to do math - a positive attitude foundation is being created. 
3.  Relationships are being strengthened through learning. Lizzy feels special that her older sister is giving her attention - they are relating in loving ways. They are strengthening their patience skills.
4.  Norah is observing all this. She is thinking of the time when she is old enough to have such an opportunity. She is viewing math as a positive thing. She is witnessesing the excitement and fun of learning. 
5.  Norah is learning and being exposed to principles of math - they won’t be so unfamiliar when it is directly her turn to try. 
6.  Lizzy is learning math and loving it!

Countless other things are happening that I haven’t listed. For one, I’m re-learning once again how the nudges that happen through inspiration (either the environment we create in our homes, the example we set, or the feelings that flow into our mind and heart) are so much more powerful than the requirements we might place on our children.

I share this hoping for at least one more thing to come from this organic learning experience I've witnessed today: Maybe someone stopping by this blog is a mother. Maybe she's having a down moment. Maybe she doesn't think she can do what she's trying to do. Maybe what I just experienced and shared will give her hope to keep trying - but maybe in new ways.

If so, I bet she got to this blog in an organic way. I bet it was a way that makes her more receptive to learn what she needs to learn and implement what she needs to implement. That's how it happens for me. It is those organic moments that bring the greatest learning in each of our lives. So why do we work so hard to create other man-made, restrictive, manipulative learning environments?

Moms out there. We are the Mother Earths of our families.  We are the ones that dominantly control the environment our seedlings will grow in. I never see a tree pulled out of the ground. I never see a flower bud open by the hands of another.  It must happen naturally, instinctively, and by the agency of the seedling, the flower, the tree.  Love.  Environment. Agency.  I find these are my key words. Like water, soil and sun. The tools of a Mother.

Mommy, Come Play! - Part 1

The most frequent thing people say to me when having a conversation  for the first time is, "You homeschool?  Wow, I could never do that!"  The most frequent question or comment I hear when people discover I'm a musician is, "What age should I start my child in music lessons? or "I wish I never stopped playing the piano."  Recently, I've come to see a relationship between all these.

My answers, first.

Regarding the first comment, I'm a second-generation homeschool mom.  What that means is, in the mass of people venturing out into the unknown to try alternative education methods with their children, I'm one who can't say, "Oh, I could never do that!"  That's because I lived through being "homeschooled." I guess you could say I have insider information: teaching your children at home can look exactly like being a mother at home  . . . no special skills required.   I have no excuses.

This is the secret that makes me feel somehow dishonest and quite uncomfortable when taking that. . . compliment? . . . from other women.  You see, I know that it makes about as much sense to tell me, "Oh, I could never do that!" in regards to teaching children at home as it does to use that comment in regards to being a mother in general.

What I mean is:

Mothers, did you know all you needed to know to birth, nurse, feed, potty-train, discipline etc. a child when you got pregnant?  Fathers, did you have all the money, patience, house space, cars, clothes, bikes, insurance, and stored up hours of sleep that you needed before having children? No.  But somehow billions of people continue to thrive and grow and contribute on this planet and they all come from mothers and fathers who began by being totally unprepared and often feel incompetent in their roles as parents.  How does this happen? They make it up as they go. They use resources they find along the way. They get on-the-job training. They fail and learn, fail and learn. Those that don't give up and stay committed, find 18-30 years later that they have succeeded in creating another adult who is usually quite awesome. None of us are ever perfect, or "done" but that's a discussion for another day.

Now, I'm not sitting down to write a post to convince all families to homeschool.  I'm sitting down to write my opinion that the easiest part of being a mother is teaching your children; that you already do teach your children (whether you realize it or not).  So if your intuition or conscience or your "inner guide" has something to say about how your children gain an education and it happens to have something to do with trying options that would entail keeping your child at home for some or all of the day in their early years - maybe you shouldn't feel so crazy to listen.  In fact, I'd have to be one to argue. . .  you could do that.

I've found that, yes, our children become more like us when they continue to be around us most (so if you're "weird" they might be "weird" too).  They become like mirrors, reflecting our weaknesses, strengths and quirks. When looking in that mirror, we see things we feel need to be changed. So - keeping your children mostly at home might become an impetus for you to change some things about yourself. Then they change.

Keeping them out of public school might mean you will have to learn patience; learn how to put relationships above house duties; learn how to teach your children to help you care for the home; learn how to get along with each other; teach them (and yourself) how to spend time wisely etc.  But, wait - isn't that what everyone is learning to do as a family?  Aren't those all skills (and countless others) every family must learn to function properly? That every society must learn to function well?


But maybe you believe you "could never do that" NOT because you're afraid you'd ruin your children, but because you're afraid they'd ruin you. No time for self. Never a clean house. Never a quiet moment. Do you know what I think? Family life is designed to teach us to lose our self. Something inside us never feels quite right with being self-centered.

 Oh yes, "but if you don't fill up your tank first, you'll have nothing to give."  I have a problem with that mentality in two respects.  First, you can fill up someone else's "tank" much faster than you can your own.  Second, doing so invites others to want to fill up your "tank" (which remember they can do faster than you can). This cycle of giving forms healthy relationships and builds better, happier people at the same time. 

I have come to believe that children need you more when you're around them less. I've noticed when I leave for a few days, or when I'm gone from my children for a long period during the day and then come home - those are the times they demand more of me and being a mommy is more intense.   

In other words, children have their tanks, too. I can either spend sixteen hours or six working to fill those tanks. Once they are full, children want to go explore and learn and create (practice filling other people's tanks) on their own.  If that's true, which time period of "filling tanks" would feel more intense? Six, right? Now, take the six-hour intenser version and imagine that same intensity for sixteen hours and you get the "ooh" and "aww" and "I could never do that" comments from people.  But that version rarely exists in my experience.

For example, my first child surprised us by showing up on the scene when she was supposed to wait to come until I was done with my degree (according to our neat little plan).  My devoted mother watched her each day while I was at school and she had all kinds of loving attention, but what she wanted most was her mommy.  My child's solution? She nursed every two hours I was with her for the first two years of her life.  Even at night.  She made up for lost time and at night, I learned how to nurse lying down (and mostly in my sleep).  Whether I could have (or tried) to change that was between me and that "inner guide" of mine, right?  It said not to wean her.  I fought it, but Elise fought harder and I'm glad I eventually listened. From my perspective now, I see how really small that sacrifice was.  It even became a sweet and simple thing. And I can see how such a small and simple thing was huge in its effects on her life.


So I have my children at home all day. Yet, when I want to, I find time to write, do bills, read, email, visit a friend or waste my time in various ways like other moms.  I have hobbies. Take classes. Develop my talents. Believe it or not,  I actually exercise and dress, eat, clean etc. I get things done.  Quite a lot, actually. Yet my kids are home all day long, they get a lot of attention from me, and they are thriving and learning like normal children (whatever that means). For some reason (well, for the reason in bold above), people think that's a miracle.



Lastly, I find it ironic that parents go through the most physically (and sometimes emotionally and spiritually) demanding period of parenthood (and especially motherhood) when their child needs them 24/7 and then as that child (and the parent) begin to blossom, and begins to learn how to care more for their self, our culture teaches us to fear being around them 24/7.  You've made it through the toughest, most demanding beginning of their life and as the curve tends toward increased independence - THEN you waffle?  They're mostly done with the tantrum stage and now you don't think you're up to being around them all day? (BTW, I've found the best remedy for a tantrum is a hug - fill that tank.)


So call me crazy, but I think it's harder to use public school to teach your children in the younger years.  I think if a mother's intuition prompts her that public school is the route for her child when she's still a new mommy trying to learn how to raise a family (which is the case for most mother's I guess), then she has the harder job. Women who make that scenario work are the ones I think perform miracles. I'm the lazy mom. All the things that a family needs to learn if they're going to be happy and enjoy being a family are SO MUCH HARDER TO LEARN when you barely have time to be together as a family.

 This just makes sense, right?  How do you get better at the piano? You have to sit at the piano.  How do you get better, faster?  You sit at the piano longer.  Granted, how you practice, what motivates you, and whether you enjoy piano or not will determine how effective that practice is, but sitting at the piano less isn't going to help those variables.  More time experimenting, finding things that don't work, trying a new approach, experiencing some success (that will motivate you to want to play more) all requires MORE time at the bench. Not less.

Regarding the second comment ("How early should I start my child in music lessons"). . . well. . . I guess you'll just have to wait for part two.  I may still have 2 1/2 hours before my children know mommy's morning time is over and start wanting my help, but who likes (or ever finishes) long blog posts? My mom. 

A Good Cry

There are good times to cry. More importantly, good times to cry with your children.  I re-learned that this last weekend while spending a Saturday lying low and doing my little routine that keeps encroaching viruses away.

A little background color first. For the second year in a row, we've done Christmas a little differently.  One Christmas a few years back, my side of the family decided to forgo gifts for adults and instead only get gifts for the children. This had the unexpected result of many more gifts for the kids than usual. Watching my children rip through present after present and not know what to do with it all (and later see many things get forgotten or lost) left a lasting impression. I tried something different the next year.

The change in our tradition has come to be called The Seven Days of Christmas. Basically, we have 7 family nights that we do on random nights in December. They each have a theme (like "Popcorn and Puzzles",  "Books and Blankets", "Fleece and a Film" or "Toys and a Treasure hunt") and begin with carols at the piano and/or a Christmas story or message before opening one present per person or for the whole family that has an activity to go with it. The month starts with the more selfish gifts/activities (like opening their toy gift after a treasure hunt) and as Christmas gets closer becomes smaller family gifts or service projects until there is only stockings on Christmas morning. For instance, one of the later activities was when after singing, I brought out fleece that we tied for Primary Children's Hospital while watching It's a Wonderful Life. This is a Kate version of things, mind you, so besides the one day to decide the themes and buy the gifts, I kind of made it up as I went.

I've love it because we get time to cherish each gift that we give to our children; to play, read and sing with them; to slow down the Christmas season and create lasting memories where the focus stays on relationships with each other and with the Savior. 

(I just realized you may be saying to yourself, what happened to Santa!?  Well, that started with my grandma and is too tricky a subject for me to tackle here. Suffice it to say that Santa is like Cupid, St. Patrick or ghosts at Halloween - background images that flash my children at the grocery store or in the media, but have little part in our family traditions. Honestly, my children probably believe in ghosts more from the stories of their father's youth than Santa Clause :).

There were some glitches to my plans of course. I had to be away for the first night so the treasure hunt didn't happen and on the "Books and Blankets" night the kids were so excited about making a tent (hence the "blankets") to read their new books in together that they begged and pleaded until I finally let them make a tent ahead of time. By the time the last book arrived from Amazon so we could do the activity, the tent had been slept in three nights and put away to make room for family events. I told you - I made it up as I went.

That's where last Saturday comes in.  As I lay in bed that morning, circled by my books that I had just begun to study, my only son surprised me by coming in and asking if I'd read The Island of the Blue Dolphins to him.  It was one of the books I'd purchased for the Christmas night that didn't happen. I'd been reading it to the girls in their room and he'd heard a little and wanted more.  I told him sure, if he let the girls know so they could listen, too. 

 As I began to read with my two oldest Daysies gathered on the bed and the younger ones in and out, weaving the story into their pretend play, I thought back on the days I still remember gathered with my siblings around my mother in this very same house - even at times this very room.  Like we did then, my children wouldn't let me stop after a chapter, but begged me on and on. We ended up reading the rest of the book right there.  Also like when I was little, it proved to be an activity that bound us more deeply together.  

Nathan loves being read to, but has yet to learn to love reading himself.  I was grateful, then, for the timing of this experience. Through much of the last 50 pages of the book I was a wreck. At first, Nathan regarded my tears with curiosity - it wasn't a new thing to see mom crying while reading a book, but this time he was involved in the story, too.  We were experiencing it together. Little House on the Prairie and C.S. Lewis Chronicles hadn't explored emotions this deep. Nathan began to snuggle up a little closer. Then to turn toward the window. I was pretty sure the movement coming from his body was a sob or two. When 3/4 of the book was read I had to stop as my voice was too choked with emotion to go on without stopping for a good cry.  I realized that I was right, Nathan had already joined me and I stroked his back as he shyly tried to muffle his cries in the pillow next to me. Elise comforted us and brought us tissue.  "Books can be powerful things, can't they Naynay?" I said. He replied with a reverent "yes" between quiet sobs. 

I think the power of a book is increased when reading it aloud with people you love.  It would be impossible to describe what happened to us in my room that day or what we shared, but it was nothing like crying over a movie together. 

I felt like my life experiences were woven into the story - not that I am like the young woman the story described, but that my relationships and my experiences all informed the experience of reading that book. It wasn't what I got out of the book, but what it pulled from me. Like a mirror showing me what I contain inside and turning it out for display.  And instead of examining what I found on my own, I got to go on the journey with my children. They got to examine with me and we learned things about each other there are very few ways to learn otherwise.  It was a good book.  It was a good cry.

Check it out!

I was asked to be a part of the "I was Homeschooled" series of videos on a newly launched site called The HEV Project.  The creators are excited to get the word out about this project which currently has over 300 videos on various topics for youth and families to explore and learn from!  Many of the videos you can view for free, for the rest, you can choose several membership options.  For anyone who reads this blog, they've offered 20% off the yearly subscription when you input this code: hevbloggers. Hurry, though, the code expires August 31st . . .

There are other great resources and opportunities there as well, like book reviews, book lists and coming in September there will be:

Videos on how to debate 

with a forum to help youth practice their skills. 

A writing critique forum 

where youth can submit things they've written to be critiqued by other aspiring authors.  

Monthly contests 

for inventions, music composition, poetry etc. 

with cash prizes!

For doing the video I was given a year of membership (wahoo!) and my kids have enjoyed this week watching videos in the World Geography and Guitar sections.  You should check it out!  


P.S. Shh....For those who read to the end of my posts (and the small print at that) there is a giveaway for a free month of membership on The HEV Project - just be the first to email likentolife2000@gmail.com  and I'll give them your name and email so they can register you :).